April Moments

Maybe, just maybe, telling the story is just as important as the story itself

Transparency and the writing dilemma

As a writer, I find it cathartic to put my feelings into the written word. I have always, since I was a child even, been better at expressing my emotions through writing rather than speaking.

Being a blogger, however, sometimes puts me in an awkward position. I don’t always feel comfortable sharing my emotions on the Internet. Here in this forum, though, I’ve tried to be as honest as possible. Transparency is important among parents, and I think we mothers have an intuition that sees right through moms who are not being real.

As the author of this blog, I’m not afraid to admit that I’m lucky to mop the kitchen floor once a month and that my family lives out of laundry baskets most of the time. There’s no point in trying to be someone I’m not.

So arises a huge conundrum with which I’ve been struggling lately. I want my blog to be as honest and transparent as possible. I want the real me to be there. I want other parents, especially moms, to be able to relate to me and my struggles. That’s what this journey is about, right? But, the whole me hasn’t been there recently. I’ve been hiding something.

It’s quite a long story that I still have reservations about sharing completely. The bottom line is that if you ask me if I want more children, or if we’re trying for No. 2, or if we’re “done” having babies, I might have a meltdown.

What is it with people asking those questions anyway? When did it become OK to ask someone you hardly know if she wants children – or another child? If you had any idea what I’ve been through over the past year, you most likely would not ask.

…Unless you’ve been there yourself and you can offer some empathy or advice. Then, it would probably be OK.

Thus, the reason for writing this blog entry. Maybe what I’ve been through will help someone else because she can relate. Maybe the issues of infertility and pregnancy loss can become less taboo topics if we can talk about them and offer each other support and understanding.

Even though my “issues” may have little to do with being an “Office Mama,” I may, in the near future, post a few blogs about my thoughts on fertility and miscarriage struggles. After months of writing about it on my own and despite my preference to keep it very personal, I feel now that God is calling me to share this struggle. Two stories from “Mothering” magazine – “Solitary Sadness: The Need to Grieve Miscarriage” and “In Praise of Telling Too Soon” – encouraged me to begin telling this emotional journey of mine. And, last night, while reading my devotional book, one of the main points was, “What trials have you endured that you can share to help others cope?”

So, stay tuned. In the meantime, I’d like to ask everyone to give much pause and thought before asking a woman or a couple why they have not started a family or if they plan to have more children. With that simple question, you may be slowly pulling at a Band-Aid guarding a wound that just keeps being exposed.

Originally published on ovparent.com.

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